Those who have been following the Fai and Dave saga will be glad to know that this is indeed the final instalment. Despite Fai being open to meeting again, the universe had other ideas and conspired once more to derail Fai’s love life. If you missed it then you can catch it here.
It was starting to become clear to Fai that money was a big issue in Dave’s life mainly because he brought it up in every other conversation. Fai decided to be an adult, put on her Bridget Jones pants and have a conversation about it. Fai can become nervous though with difficult conversations resulting in her approaching delicate situations with the finesse of a rotweiler tearing apart a baby rabbit. However she has been trying really really hard to work on the art of communicating.
Fai decided the best approach was to discuss her own discomfort whenever he brought up money, which she did……..while Dave listened quietly. In a moment of sharing, he explained that he had grown up ‘poor’, living hand to mouth for much of his childhood. Whilst he conceded that Fai had never asked anything about his earnings, he felt Asian women and their parents often questioned finances. Dave wanted to make it clear that although he was ambitious, he would never be rich or a high flyer. Fai eased his fears reminding him that if she was looking for money then she probably would’ve married Leo* when he asked her.
Fai felt relieved at having dealt with the issue at hand and assumed they could get back to talking about more important things like her first social media spat, his work plans or maybe even another meet.
It was however becoming apparent that with one elephant dealt with, another issue was rearing its head – their phone calls lately had turned into one sided conversations. Dave was starting to show no interest in her life or going ons, often cutting her off mid- sentence so he could talk about himself. Fai did infact point this out to an apparently oblivious Dave, something which he graciously took onboard for all of two milliseconds.
It then spiralled into the bizarre………
Fai knew, amongst many other things, that Dave liked to write. He would often read her blog and reminisce over his own writing days. Dave even told Fai that he had self published books in the past and paid off his student loan with the money he’d made. Zara gave a polite knock, rare as Zara never knocks ,preferring to charge in like an uninvited wedding guest. Fai nevertheless was intrigued. Shelina Jann Mohammed had afterall made a name for herself from “Love in a Headscarf”; Fai’s modern day equivalent “Swiping in a Headscarf” might go down a treat and she was starting to get excited at the thought of paying off her mortgage.
So Fai probed further only to find, Dave, whose conversations as of late couldn’t get past the train fare, had a flair for adult erotica.
Now, Fai loves a smutty joke or two, infact Fai has a pretty shameless sense of humour but Fai is “all talk, no trousers”. The word erotica said in person could quite possibly make her blush…….well it would if she could blush.
According to Dave, fifty shades had opened an entire genre up for would-be writers and made people like Dave a lot of money. However as it no longer aligned with his beliefs, none of the books could be found anymore. Dave, like most singletons out there, clearly knew the first rule of dating; expect to be google stalked.
Fai’s bullshit detector was ofcourse beep happy by now and Zara was doing full blown gymnastics attempting the splits before realising she was quite an unfit cow. Fai had aced module one of “stalking your potentials” so whilst she knew most of what Dave had told her, upto now, was true; she was fairly certain this was not. Was Dave about to talk dirty or was he just a straight up fantasist? She wasn’t sure.
Their meetup, arranged prior to erotic-gate, was put on a backburner after Dave’s dad took a turn for the worst. With Dave juggling hospital visits and Fai trying in vain to avoid an erotic novel read-along, their phone calls dwindled. As Fai prides herself on being a sensitive soul, she decided to let things settle for Dave before ending it.
As fate would have it, she wouldn’t get this far. Late one evening, having just returned from the
churro place gym, Fai received a message from an exasperated Dave. Dave’s day had been terrible and now to top it all off, he had forgotten his bank card and couldn’t get home. Thankfully he did have a travel pass on his phone though so just needed some money to upload onto it. “If only someone could loan me money”, the message read. Fai was quite pleased that atleast at this stage, Zara, had the common decency to piss off.
A few years ago, Fai, racked with guilt would probably have given him a tenner and been done with him. However something had changed and she had acquired, some would say, a spine in recent years. Feeling slightly uncomfortable but also safe in the knowledge he would have people at home to call upon if he was really in trouble, Fai ignored the message.
It was bad enough that Fai was seen as a cougar; she wasn’t about to add sugar mama into the mix.
Dave was never to be heard from again.
Yes folks, that is as anti-climatic as it gets.
A few days later, Fai decided to do what she meant to before Dave came on the scene. She deleted all apps and decided to rely on real life, not technology:
Current apps: 0
Months app free: 5.25
Real life encounters: 1**
Emotional state: Happy!
* Leo DiCaprio ofcourse – it may have been a dream but let’s not argue over details.
** Fai herself is google-able and was asked that he not appear in her blog to which she obliged – if nothing else, Fai sticks to her word. It should be added only the more colourful stories end up here anyway.