Facing people again, post-split, has to be one of the hardest things to do so brace yourself if you’re going through one. People panic – do they address the elephant in the room or carry on like nothing in your life has changed? I would rather people have given me some sort of acknowledgment, a simple – “sorry to hear what you’re going through” would have meant a lot. To those that didn’t but instead commented on my stress weight loss, I did relish the opportunity to fuel the awkwardness “I’m on a Kellogs diet because crying and watching Bridget Jones reruns doesn’t give me much time to cook”. I’m wicked I know.
Post divorce, people have given me some great lines which in their own head may have sounded helpful but for the most part really wasn’t. Much of it stems from the awkwardness of encountering someone for the first time since their break-up and whilst I can acknowledge that some people are genuinely sympathetic, others are just…..well, that little bit daft.
Here’s a list of my top ten favorites:
1) “I always knew he was bad news” (insinuation: you should never have married him in the first place). No shit Sherlock. That’s helpful.
2) “I never liked him anyway”. Oh well, atleast one of us hasn’t spent the past year crying then.
3) *fakes looking around the room* “Oh, so where’s ___________ (insert ex’s name) tonight”. I know you know that we split because you’re related to my granny’s uncle’s sister’s donkey.
4) “Marriage is hard work”. My non existant candy crush obsession must have taken my eye off the ball.
5) “You never knew what he was upto???” (insinuation: Girrrrrrrl, you stoooopiiddddd!). Nope I really didn’t………really I didn’t…..no really I …..never mind.
6) “So, has he married______?”. Something tells me that I’m not at the top of their list but if I do get that magical invite then the two of us can ride together on my unicorn.
7) “He would have eventually seen sense” (insinuation: You should have let him get it out his system and he would have come back). I would rather see sense and not wait around for an STD to strike.
8) “His mother used black magic to end your marriage”. If she had that much power, I’m sure she would rather just turn me to ash.
9) “Of all the couples in the world, I never thought it would be you two”. Aw well, that makes me feel better then.
10) “He’s ruined your life”. If there was a funeral pyre burning nearby, I would feel tempted to throw myself on it about now.
Got your own? Add them in!