Unhelpful One Liners

Facing people again, post-split, has to be one of the hardest things to do so brace yourself if you’re going through one.  People panic – do they address the elephant in the room or carry on like nothing in your life has changed?  I would rather people have given me some sort of acknowledgment, a simple  – “sorry to hear what you’re going through” would have meant a lot.  To those that didn’t but instead commented on my stress weight loss, I did relish the opportunity to fuel the awkwardness “I’m on a Kellogs diet because crying and watching Bridget Jones reruns doesn’t give me much time to cook”.  I’m wicked I know.

Post divorce, people have given me some great lines which in their own head may have sounded helpful but for the most part really wasn’t.  Much of it stems from the awkwardness of encountering someone for the first time since their break-up and whilst I can acknowledge that some people are genuinely sympathetic, others are just…..well, that little bit daft.

Here’s a list of my top ten favorites:

1)  “I always knew he was bad news” (insinuation: you should never have married him in the first place).  No shit Sherlock.  That’s helpful.

2)  “I never liked him anyway”.  Oh well, atleast one of us hasn’t spent the past year crying then.

3) *fakes looking around the room*  “Oh, so where’s ___________ (insert ex’s name) tonight”.  I know you know that we split because you’re related to my granny’s uncle’s sister’s donkey.

4) “Marriage is hard work”.  My non existant candy crush obsession must have taken my eye off the ball.

5)  “You never knew what he was upto???” (insinuation:  Girrrrrrrl, you stoooopiiddddd!).  Nope I really didn’t………really I didn’t…..no really I …..never mind.

6)  “So, has he married______?”.  Something tells me that I’m not at the top of their list but if I do get that magical invite then the two of us can ride together on my unicorn.

7)  “He would have eventually seen sense” (insinuation:  You should have let him get it out his system and he would have come back).  I would rather see sense and not wait around for an STD to strike.

8)  “His mother used black magic to end your marriage”.  If she had that much power, I’m sure she would rather just turn me to ash.

9)  “Of all the couples in the world, I never thought it would be you two”.  Aw well, that makes me feel better then.

10)  “He’s ruined your life”.  If there was a funeral pyre burning nearby, I would feel tempted to throw myself on it about now.

 

Got your own?  Add them in!

 

 

18 Replies to “Unhelpful One Liners”

  1. Man he was so hot! Umm could we maybe not focus on that right now while I’m bawling my eyes out!

    1. M! I hear you and so does lily probably. Someone on twitter said that was one of the lines she got too. Seems a common one – there needs to be a think before you speak switch sometimes

  2. Well now that you guys aren’t together anymore, you don’t mind if I follow him on twitter….he’s hot!

    1. It’s amazing how you established that through just reading this….🤔….you’re either a troll or a very bad judge of character

      1. Sal, I think that you may have misunderstood lily and m’s comment. They were each giving their favourite ‘unhelpful one liner’ that they had received in the past 🙂 but thanks! Lol

    2. Ugh to that one Lily! But I’ve heard something similar in the past, not my experience but a friends although her friend added in ‘its every girl for themselves you know’ at the end.

  3. Having been through a divorce, these comments are so realistic and made me actually LOL

    1. I’m glad it made you LOL 🙂

  4. You’re so funny and entertaining. This is good 🙂

    1. Aw thanks!

  5. My favourite one was ‘There’s no rishtay out there so just go back’

    1. Double ugh to that one!

  6. My latest one – at your age, you should’ve just stuck with him, it’s tough to get a man nowadays.

    1. Ugh! God help the ovaries that may be drying up eh? Xx

  7. THE UNDERDOG says: Reply

    Been through this myself Fai. It’s not what they to say to your face that hurts as much as what they say behind your back. When they turn up to your house like vultures for juicy gossip and out of curiosity. When they treat you like a social outcast. When those who were once friends now tell you that there mums don’t want you remaining frends, like divorce is contagious. When they remind your parents what a double burden you are now ( due to being female and now a divorcee). When life is working out for others around you and they don’t involve you for fear of nazar (the evil eye). When you re-marry and people keep reminding me repeatedly that you have been married more than once. When regardless of levels of education and awareness this mentaliity doesn’t change and sadly unlikely to change.

    1. Well see the thing is if folk make comments behind your back and it doesn’t get back to you then who cares? It’s kind of on them and on their soul. That’s a really rubbish situation you’ve described of people turning up to the house etc. My view of people nowadays is that whilst I can’t change anyone else, I can change my reactions to their actions. Somehow I got to a stage of caring very little about what people think which is why perhaps i was able to find the humour in this situation when I wrote the post. Your situation sounds very hurtful and I’m sorry for the hurt that came your way from others xx

  8. Tiff Griffin says: Reply

    All of those are classics.Especially no 3.
    Some favourites from recent memory
    1.” If it makes you feel any better, I always thought she was a bit of a c___” the other Glasgow version of your no 1.
    Yeh thanks, you didn’t think to mention it before now? Might have been useful info.Though it is a crumb of comfort to know I’m now not alone in thinking that.
    2. ”She was never good enough for you, we always thought that”
    So you let me slum it,Thanks for letting me lower myself for so long

    And my favourite of all

    3. ”Whatever happened with her? She was gorgeous.I mean, I’m as gay as San Francisco and I tell ye, she’d have had me on the turn”
    My septuagenarian gay uncle making dinner table small talk with me at my Dad’s 80th. Umm thanks I think but also that’s just a really weird image that isn’t helping.

    1. Tiff – these had me howling. They may make an appearance on the blog’s Facebook page some point. I suppose the number one/Glaswegian version of number one is meant to be a soothing there there type of line but always comes off as a smug prattish type remark lol. Your uncle wins the award for most awkward small chat/awkward Uncle comment ever!! Xx

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