This post was written as I approached the one year mark of my separation in November 2013. Probably the first real moment of anger laced with feelings of conflict due to the importance my faith places on forgiveness. Whilst fogiveness took a while (quite a while) – don’t feel guilty for any of the emotions as they come.
I still seem to have this need for karma to show itself when it comes to my ex. I did think I was quite content with everything and to be honest I am somewhat but I get these occasional flare ups, much like that bad knee of mine that I injured from running, irritating the hell out of me this month from the cold weather we’re having. He’s irritating the hell out of me this month too, coming up to a year and I’m getting a bit nostalgic, which frankly pisses me off.
I entered October with a slight feeling of dread, knowing that I was probably going to find the next couple of months quite hard. A lot of things took place this month; pieces suddenly fit together explaining his indiscretions and those moments when he wasn’t there make a lot more sense.
Yes I am reminded constantly by people, including his once best friend that he has nothing. He has been abandoned by the good friends we developed during the marriage (he’s great at making new friends though). He has no home, back living with his parents (free ride, no bills). He will realise what he’s lost (hooray?). You see what I’m getting at, there aren’t any real consequences to what has happened.
I know I know, the punishment given by God is far worse than what anybody on this earth can do to him………but……..hold on a minute……. if I’m expected to aspire to forgiveness which as a good Muslim I am and if I ever do get to that point which as a good Muslim I hope to……….then what? I don’t even win in the afterlife!