How Do You Like Your Eggs?

If you’re anything like me then I’m guessing you prefer your eggs in a cake, filled with jam and slathered in buttercream.  The question over eggs – specifically my eggs – started presenting itself when I hit the grand age of 30.  Whilst I had never given it a lot of thought, it occurred to me that I have now been asked the following question more than once:

“Why don’t you freeze your eggs?”

What bothers me most about the question is the assumption……..the assumption that every woman wants to have children.  I’m on the fence about it, as a result of which, it’s usually assumed that I hate children.  I’m not a child hater; I think babies are cute…………I think children however are exhausting.

I’ve never been maternal, never had any excited sentiments of being a mother and never in my life so far been broody.  I feel no pangs whatsoever when I lose those valuable eggs every month and remain convinced that the biological clock is a myth.

It’s fairly common in the dating/rishta process for men to broach the topic of children early on.  I’ll be honest the only thing that could turn me off quicker is a Daily Mail reader.  The conversation about children so early on makes it all seem more like a business transaction than a relationship.  I’m more than just a vessel to pop out babies yet it can feel like I’m viewed as nothing more.

Perhaps if you could push a button and a baby flew out the armpit, it would make it more appealing.  Pregnancy, to me, does not look fun and labor looks horrific.  My views were cemented recently after sitting with my sister in the maternity ward; both of us trying in vain to block out noises which closely resembled the offspring of a hyena and fox being strangled.

Then came the banshee screams from the poor woman next door who sounded like she was being ripped apart (in all fairness she may well have been).  If there was a world where I could make a deal with my lady bits, it would have taken place that day:

“I hereby solemnly swear to not rip you to shreds in exchange for not wetting myself when I sneeze/cough/do a sit-up”.

I do appreciate that my views over children could change as time goes on – maybe that biological clock does exist and is just running a little (years) slow.  Maybe I’ve just met the wrong men – miniature versions of whom should never be put into society.

“It’ll be different when your niece arrives”

The arrival of my sister’s newborn would change my feelings over having children.  Atleast that’s what I was told on more than one occasion.  I waited in anticipation of what would follow.  Would the maternal instinct arrive so strong that I hid the bairn in my jacket, ran away to Wales and raised her as my own?  I envisaged my sister sadly telling people that her demented sibling had run off with her child while a sympathetic police officer patted her arm noting down the last words she heard me scream

“I MADE A DEAL – I WON’T WET MYSELF”

My niece is four months old now and my ovaries haven’t twinged yet – no felonies for me then.  I love the role of an aunt thus far and foresee plenty of mischievious fun ahead.  Whilst I have another being in my life that I would do anything for, my personal feelings over having children remain the same.

So, why don’t I freeze my eggs if I haven’t ruled it out completely? Well, I have no desire to put myself through the process or spend that much money on anything other than plane tickets.  There’s other avenues to go down if I ever did change my mind and with so many children without a good home, adoption has always been my preferred route (whether I’m in a relationship or not).

I appreciate that women are having children in their forties and potentially make better parents for it.  However as I hit thirty-six this year, I’m increasingly less convinced that I want to put my body through the process of a pregnancy.

My eggs therefore can stay well cooked

 

7 Replies to “How Do You Like Your Eggs?”

  1. When I lived in Glasgow people used to ask me if I was pregnant all the time. It was pretty insensitive considering I had stage 4 endometriosis which landed me in hospital at least once a year.
    I moved to a more rural area (almost no Muslims) I have never been asked. When I did get pregnant nobody asked me, nobody mentioned it until I brought it up. I therefore concluded that it was a Muslim problem.
    If people were to ask me now I would make a point of telling them how insensitive it was, whoever they were. I’ve recently been thinking that I’ve been part of the problem for not educating people. Perhaps I will soon be the social pariah of the Glasgow community as a result

  2. Hi there,

    Loving your thoughts here. The Pakistani culture is perversely obsessed with a womens ability to procreate at the expense of her other abilities/capabilities. She is deemed a failure if she has no children despite all her amazing achievements. Go figure!

    It literally starts from when she gets married. When are you having kids? Those that struggle to have children are tested the worst by the insensitive and judgemental community. Some of us weren’t destined to have children. This is hard enough without the idiots spouting have you tried this etc? We have accepted the Qadr of Allah so why won’t people?!

    Thank you for discussing a very important topic Fai!

    God bless

  3. People do ask me too! And I’m really sensitive to it. I’m so aware that I’m getting older and I do want to have children that I often think I should do it. But you put something interesting in at the end. If I do want to be a mother but don’t find the right person then why don’t I consider adoption. I shouldn’t wait for a man to come along if it gets to a stage I really desire to be a mum.

    1. Hi Lamya and thanks for leaving a comment. I can appreciate adoption isn’t for everyone however for the likes of me, if some desire to be a parent did come over me, then it’s a route I wouldn’t hesitate to go down. It’s a question that perhaps has well meaning intentions and one I don’t mind if the likes of my own mum asked me however I hope you have a way of taking care of your emotions as I
      can understand that if someone has the desire to be a mother, it’s a question that can be upsetting x

      1. OMG
        I love the blog
        It’s true to enjoy her through life plane tickets are a must , my sister works in Luxembourg and travels around Europe and back here frequently. I’m a holiday goer only. Going Bali with her and new daughter very soon. I had my baby girl after 8 years in marriage my inlaws the monsters (go figure) for years put me down for it even though it’s their son not me had issues – now they tell him he got no son! How can he be happy with just one child! I’m never having more children. Ever. I always wanted to adopt we were secretly beginning to look into the process when I suddenly got preggo. I like the Angeline jolie thing but she got good money to do it well. Why not if u got that much money to take if kids really well. I have my daughter now I’m 36 years old but I had her to have fun! No boring stuff for this mummy n baby. I stick to that idea I had her with a csection at the Portland but pregnancy is the toughest thing possible on your body. U sound enough like I’m a fashion lecturer at university.

  4. This is hilarious! You actually know more than some might think, given that you haven’t been through it. Childbearing and motherhood are definitely not for everyone. I have several female friends who are childless and perfectly happy. When we were planning our wedding, the venue manager (With who’s daughter I went to primary school) said to us “You don’t have to have kids, you know. Kids bring a hell of a lot of heartache!”. She’s a mum of 4… or is it 5…?
    Anyway, I will never ask a woman why she’s childless or why she’s stopped at one or why the hell she’s had six. Each to their own. Friends should know you better, family need to just shush and strangers should mind their own business. I wouldn’t give my kids up (permanently). It would be hypocritical given I’m due my third in April (my body is blown so I may as well use it up completely!!). I can even manage the money and the lack of jet setting. But what I wouldn’t give to get my old (young?!) body back!!!

    1. Congrats Caroline on number three!!! Your two boys are adorable (from the last pics I ever saw lol) so this wee one will follow in cuteness. I think a section of people find it odd – I nfact when I was commenting to a male cousin years ago over a friend I know who didn’t want children, I remember his reply ‘that’s really sad’ as being really odd lol. I couldn’t understand what was so ‘sad’ about it. It’s not for everyone you’re right and I think they key as you quite rightly pointed out is to understanding people live fulfilled lives in so many different ways! Xxx

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