My attempts to put these posts in chronological order has failed a little as I forgot to include this one, written in October 2013. To an extent I still maintain this to be true – you only have to look at recent controversies that have taken place….can you name some?
This journey which has unfolded has not only been one of the most humbling experiences of my life but a real eye opener. I never realised how much of a bubble I was brought up in, how little exposure I had in my pre-married life to “bad” people………and bloody hell, there are some real bad eggs out there!
I’ve met a number of people along my bumpy road. It’s as though somebody new enters my life at particular stages of my breakup, making me reflect on events of the past.
These past couple of months, I have met woman still going through their own hell. Not all of these woman are away from their partners. Many of them don’t work and have been controlled for years through money/financial fear. That control seeps into most parts of the relationship. What a hopeless situation to remain in. “Who will believe me if I tell them what he did?”, one woman said. I know her husband and I know no one probably will. These men aren’t the local thugs of the town as you would think but annoyingly “respectable” people, polished and well versed in their religious texts. They’re the worst types.
“It’s a man’s world”. Someone made this comment to me after trying to pursue a “khula” (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife) for two years. “None of these Imams care, they all stick to their boys club”, she sighed. She never got the khula in the end as her ex finally gave her the divorce……..a day before her sister’s wedding – you can come to your own conclusions as to why he timed it so.
Oh dear. When I started this post, I didn’t really mean to make it such a depressing read! I know myself it’s a man’s world out there especially in the Muslim community. The community is there for a short time, tut tutting at what these men have done, at times ostracising them but eventually they are accepted back. Even from my own experience, there is a sense of abandonment. Sheikhs give their advice, know the most private details of your circumstances but essentially you just get left to deal with it. I can’t say I’ve ever had so much as a “How are you?” when I’ve passed them by on the street.
For those woman I know going through this without any family support, I would love to be there for them although I’m aware that I’m not some sort of ambassador for wounded women of the world. If I’m honest, I know I can’t really help much, not in the way I would like after all I’m still healing and trying to move forward.
I feel somewhat angry for these woman because despite the work they do and the years they gave to our community, we turn our backs on them when they need us most.